Finding Out Life

So sorry ! I just moved houses and school started and I didn’t have a computer to blog on. But now I have the chance, so I’ll try to fit in as much as I can. Well, school’s been good, well, the classes part of it. Other than that it’s been pretty hectic. D and I have shared our “Hi’s” and “Hola’s” (he tries to be Mexican). But other than that we haven’t really talked, we’ve continued our texting convos though. And there’s another guy that could potentially turn in to a crush. His name is T. My English teacher oh so kindly gave us a seating chart where I sit RIGHT next to him. He’s only a little detail though. The big thing. X and KC. X broke up with KC because she “broke promises”. How do I know why you say ? Well. Me and X are talking again. It started with what I believe was an innocent “Happy Birthday”. But, 6 days later I was proven wrong. Because 6 days later is when he stopped me before I walked into geometry (a class that D,X, and I all share), called my name, and when I turned around, he was holding out a single piece of folded up paper. Naturally, I grabbed the paper and walked into class. Shaken up by what in the hell he could possibly want. So I sat down and got my stuff out and opened the note. It said “Come talk to me if you want to know why. -X” I don’t have the time after school to go converse with my fellow classmates, so I didn’t go talk to him. But, later that day at home, I texted him. Now, I was kinda freaking out. But when he texted back, after a lot of explaining. He explained why he broke up with me. He said that he started liking another girl, a grade above us, who happened to be the choreographer of a musical he was doing. He thought it would “crush” me less if he broke up with me as apposed to me finding out that he liked her from someone. But, after she left, he realized that breaking up with me was stupid and it killed him to do it and he knew I wouldn’t take him back after that had happened. So, he started going out with KC to “cover up what we used to have” and because she reminded him of me. So, I just asked a lot of questions and I’m not sure how I feel about it, and about him. I don’t know if I believe him. It’s nice to know that I was better than KC though. Since I texted him on Tuesday, we’ve had over 500 texts. Just seeing how each other has been and stuff. Yesterday at school he asked me out on a date. He said that his mom would be there and he wanted me to go to the mall with him and just walk around and have dinner. I kinda wanted to go but my mom didn’t want me to. So instead I’m going to the mall with my friend A and J. We’ve talked about us and what happened and what we want to do. We both agreed that we should be friends for now and then see what happens. But I don’t know how much or when I would, if at all want things to happen. I’m still thinking about D. I’m still fantasizing about how we could be together. I don’t know. My friends say they think he likes me but I’m not sure. I just want things to be simple. In English, our homework assignment was to write a poem about fire and/or water. I did both. It’s about X and D, and here it is.

The pain he brought me filled me with a burning hate. The thought of destruction was all I could take. The person he was brought smoke to my thoughts as a volcano burns. The sparks simmered down to ashes. All the while my blood boiled down to nothing. Water came to put out the fire in me. He got the fire out of my head, but brought the serenity into my life. He’s as calm and free as the waves crashing onto the tide. He’s simple but can make tsunamis. I don’t want the fire to go out, but I don’t want the water to evaporate either.