Finding Out Life


Posted on: May 22, 2014

 Ok first of all let me say that I feel really stupid because I just went through all of my most recent posts and I totally forgot what I last wrote about ._. Um…I don’t think I ever told you guys about how the stuff with GW ended. It wasn’t too interesting, we just kinda stopped doing what we were doing and now it’s only slighty kindaaa awkward between us, I don’t really talk to him anymore though so you know, it’s fine. But a lot more important crazy emotional heartwrenching stuff happened after that ._. Like umm did I ever tell you about the guy I met on Fourth of July of last year ? No ? I don’t know I probably barely mentioned him. Well he’s pretty important ._. So let’s call him APP. He’s perfect. I don’t even know anymore what’s up but I’ll just tell you guys how we met first. Well it was 4th of July and my family all went to my uncle/aunt/cousins house, and I like hanging out with my cousin cause she’s older and cool and stuff. So she ended up inviting me to stay the night or maybe I asked or something I don’t really know. And I was hoping we would just hang out and do our nails, watch PLL stuff like that. But then one of her friends was like, “Oh hey me and my family are staying at this really fancy resort do you and your cousin wanna come hang out and swim ?”. So I was just disappointed but like “Oh, sure let’s go swim some more ._. (<– Sarcasm) So anyways we went and snuck in because only family was allowed, and we went up to their room. And I was kinda just like whatever ok let’s swim and leave, but then her friend was like “Oh, yeah nevermind the pools really crowded, but the next hotel room over has a outdoor hot tub and no one’s there!” So we ended up going over into their patio area and we figured out the hot tub.  So I was just like whatever, had a good time and all watching the fireworks and awkwardly laughing along with like everyone being older than me. So whatever nothing really happened there. But then like a week later my cousin messages me and she forwarded the message that her friend sent her and her friend said “My brother has a thing for your cousin, lol. He wanted me to let you know. She have a Facebook?” (That’s word for word I might add). So I was like oh really who ? Not really too excited or anything because I didn’t really scope the room to see if there was any cute guys. So she gave me his profile and stuff and I was just whatever. FOR SOME CRAZY REASON I DID NOT GET EXCITED THAT SOMEONE THAT ATTRACTIVE FOUND ME CUTE WHEN I REMEMBER THAT I LOOKED LIKE SHIT THAT NIGHT. Anyways. I honestly don’t know what I was thinking, but we started talking and this is where it’s going to get complicated to talk about. Because we talked for a while and then school started and we kinda stopped, then in like December we started talking again and then stopped for a little bit, then in February we started talking again. And this whole time I haven’t even mentioned a single detail about him except him being perfect. Um well we don’t go to the same school, he’s 16, and he has blond hair, his favorite color is red and his favorite movie is Fast and the Furious. Oh and he’s 5’11. I mean that stuff is true as of July of last year ._. Lol he probably grew. His hair’s still blond though haha. Anyways um theres not a whole lot…MY GOD. I’m sorry I’m just going through our old messages as I’m typing this to use as a reference and I winking WAYYYY to much for no reason. SERIOUSLY ! It’s like, “Oh yeah my favorite class was auto”, “Yeah ? ;)”. Wow I’m a idiot. Anyways during February when we started talking again I kinda realized how perfect and amazing and perfect he is. I did a very idiotic thing and asked him for advice about a guy I liked and what I should do about it because he had a girlfriend. The idiotic part ? Yeah sorry forgot about that. I was talking about him ._. Asking his advice about what I should do about him. That, I have to say is the most idiotic fucking thing I’ve ever done, because it didn’t do anything to help me ._. Besides make stuff temporarily awkward and have him send me a million texts that only broke my heart more and more with each buzz my phone made ._. He was just saying that he was flattered that I thought all of that but that he did have a girlfriend that he loved and it wouldn’t work anyways because we live on other sides of town and that we couldn’t be a couple. Not that I was expecting him to drop everything and be like “Oh yeah, cool I’ve been waiting for you to say that. Let’s run away and eat some bacon.”, but it still sucked. Seriously. It was right after Valentines day so I had plenty of chocolates to soothe my broken heart, but I cried over him more than I did Douche ._. THAT’S A LOT OF EMOTIONAL LACRIMATION.  Anyways, I think we kinda stopped talking after that, and now we’re starting to talk again. But I have a WHOLE NOTHER STORY AND GUY TO TALK ABOUT BUT I GUESS HE’S IMPORTANT BECAUSE HE GAVE ME AN EXCUSE TO START TALKING TO APP AGAIN. So um yeah, this other guy, we’ll call him PRB. And uhh….we kinda just broke up like on Saturday. Today would’ve been 2 months. Um I don’t really want to get into starting to talk to him and being asked out and first kiss and all that because it still sucks that we broke up. I guess the break up was kinda mutual because I ended up asking him if I should be getting too attached to him because I remember before we started going out he said that his relationships never last too long. So then he told me all about how he still wasn’t over his ex. And I don’t wanna get into all of that shit right now because it involves being friends with benefits for like a day after that and this post is really about APP, not PRB. But I asked APP’s opinion about all of it, he’s just so nice and always makes me feel like I’m perfect and like nothing is my fault. And it’s perfect. Everything about him is unbelievable. PRB wanted to be friends with benefits with me instead of dating and APP just made it seem like he was such a jackass for even suggesting that because I’m such a “respectable young woman“. It’s nice to have him there for that because there’s no other guy I know who would be willing to talk to me about these kind of things and still talk to me, and he’s just funny and sweet and amazing. Like I told PRB that I didn’t wanna do what we were doing anymore because of what APP had to say about it. That conversation was the first time I’d talked to him on the phone, or heard his voice clearly and personal. Like I said at the resort I wasn’t really paying attention to anything because I was just whatever. And my friend prank called him once so I very faintly and quietly heard his voice. But OMG his voice does not match his face, it’s really weird because you would think he would sound more high pitched, but no. So we talked on the phone for like an hour, most of the time he was just talking and asking questions about the situation with PRB. But then eventually we stopped talking about it. Was it quiet at times ? Did we have like nothing to talk about at times ? OF COURSE. But the weird thing is that the silences weren’t all weird and awkward. They were nice 🙂 And I was lying in my bathtub most of the call lol. With my blanket. But when we weren’t talking I would just lay there and wonder how he looked on the other end, just holding the phone and if he thought it was awkward. I definitely didn’t. Silences were a thing I liked because it was just the most comforting thing in the world lying there in my cold bathtub, silent, but knowing that I could talk to him about anything and everything without feeling the slightest bit uncomfortable. Well most of you have probably stopped reading by now, if any of you were actually reading it, so I’m gonna stop, because I’m only putting my thoughts out there. Oh, and APP ? If you happen to be reading this for any reason because I know the link to this is somewhere in our messages and if you felt so inclined, you could go back and find it, please don’t think I’m a freak for saying all of this. I’m only a girl who can’t control her crazy typing fingers, but after all I’ve told you, I’m surprised you haven’t ditched me already.  Blog to you later.


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